When I was young, I used to dream of moving to a big city and being an independent individual. I couldn’t wait to be able to assert my own personality and way of thinking without having to worry about what people would think of my upbringing or some stupid thing like that. Whenever I disagreed with people on things like racism and they wouldn’t listen to me, I would just take a deep breath, go to my room, and write songs, telling myself that I’d soon move to Toronto and all this will be over. It won’t matter…
The past few months have been very difficult. A lot has been going on and I can barely keep up. I feel frustrated and yet I’m finding it hard to formulate what hurts me so much. I want things to change faster, I want this to be over. So I shut myself out from the world (or somewhat) and all I did for the past month was go to work, get home, shower, write music or do nothing, go to bed, go to work… Today I realized that I’ve unconsciously gone back to the same coping mechanism. I’m telling myself not to sweat it because somehow, some day, it won’t matter.
BUT WAIT! I’m not going anywhere anymore. There’s no packing up to another country to start a brand new life. This is it.