Change Me As We Go

Archive for the category “overcome”

What’s Your Gobi – Part II

I was just reading an article on “How To Change Your Brain For The Better” and one of the captions started with “to become more resilient […]”. That word rang a bell and it suddenly hit me.

Running when you don’t feel like it, when you feel you can’t anymore. Stretching your limits beyond what you thought was sane. Running beyond reason. Running against your will. Running for the sake of forcing your mind to do so. That thought has been roaming in my head ever since Stefan Danis’ TEDxToronto talk but I only found it now. (If you haven’t seen it:

I found my Gobi. But instead of running, it’s about staying. Instead of doing, it’s about restraining from doing things I would regret. Instead of giving into the temptation of destructive behaviour that would satisfy me in the moment, I have to keep my cool. I’ve been rejected. I’ve been let down. I’ve even been betrayed. I’ve been cornered in to a lose-lose situation. Instead of physical pain, emotional distress. The Gobi’s 50% physical and 50% mental. My Gobi seems to be 100% mental. My Gobi is to stay. To stick to my words rather than my feelings. To fight every battle because I believe in the dream. To keep going until I reach the impossible.

Instead of 7 marathons, life has thrown me a few rocks that have hit hard. But I stubbornly kept marching ahead. It hit my heart, my health, my creativity, my confidence, it hit it all. But I kept marching on. Not out of strength really. I just didn’t know how to stop. At one point, I felt like I was exploding. I wanted to run away to Alaska or something equally remote, and not have to talk to anyone for a month. Just me, fresh air, and music.  Of course, that never happened. Perhaps it will at the end of the 7th mental marathon. But we’re still at #3.

Shortening the gap between a negative event and opportunity. I’ve been working on that from day 1. Some people get there in a day, or in a month. I thought I was that kind of person. But instead of getting to acceptance, I tried to skip ahead to opportunities. It’s time to get to it now as unpleasant as it is. Acceptance. Resilience. It might seem paradoxical, but resilience comes from accepting vulnerability.

Stefan Danis: if you read this blog, thank you for inspiring people to find the strength in themselves to dust themselves up and fight their own little demons for a brighter future.

Amy Winehouse

I had never really been a big fan of hers. I didn’t know her or her music. I didn’t think too much of it when she passed away. Today, I listened to her father’s book describing her battle against drugs, terrible men, paparazzis and alcohol. She had been clean of drugs since 2008, and almost over her alcoholism. It was such a sad story. Just when things seemed to finally look stable, she was gone. I wasn’t sure what to expect from this book but it gave me new insight into the world of addiction and the lonely battle that addicts have to fight. Their many lapses. The people. The good and the bad people. There were many anecdotes that demonstrated her altruistic nature despite her eccentricities. She once rented horses 24/7 so that local kids could ride them for free. She was truly generous. I have to admit I had never thought that about her. I have to admit that I probably believed (or didn’t really question) whatever I saw in the news but it’s disgusting to learn how people made money from making up cruel sensational stories about her. Let’s give Lindsay Lo a break shall we?

Difficult things

Let them go
Without breaking the flow

Let them win
Without losing within

Keep them close
They who hurt you most

Say I lose
But don’t show any bruise

Still remember
The forgotten, buried under

Still remember
That memory is a player

Bare your soul
To people in a role

Wait in silence
For the world’s sentence

Keep a secret
Knowing it spells regret

Trust the fool
To be your very fuel

Confront yourself
Before confronting someone else

See your faults
Before unlocking the blame vault

In the fun and the game
Believe again with no shame

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