Running when you don’t feel like it, when you feel you can’t anymore. Stretching your limits beyond what you thought was sane. Running beyond reason. Running against your will. Running for the sake of forcing your mind to do so. That thought has been roaming in my head ever since Stefan Danis’ TEDxToronto talk but I only found it now. (If you haven’t seen it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-D6sNeqwgbc)
I found my Gobi. But instead of running, it’s about staying. Instead of doing, it’s about restraining from doing things I would regret. Instead of giving into the temptation of destructive behaviour that would satisfy me in the moment, I have to keep my cool. I’ve been rejected. I’ve been let down. I’ve even been betrayed. I’ve been cornered in to a lose-lose situation. Instead of physical pain, emotional distress. The Gobi’s 50% physical and 50% mental. My Gobi seems to be 100% mental. My Gobi is to stay. To stick to my words rather than my feelings. To fight every battle because I believe in the dream. To keep going until I reach the impossible.
Instead of 7 marathons, life has thrown me a few rocks that have hit hard. But I stubbornly kept marching ahead. It hit my heart, my health, my creativity, my confidence, it hit it all. But I kept marching on. Not out of strength really. I just didn’t know how to stop. At one point, I felt like I was exploding. I wanted to run away to Alaska or something equally remote, and not have to talk to anyone for a month. Just me, fresh air, and music. Of course, that never happened. Perhaps it will at the end of the 7th mental marathon. But we’re still at #3.
Shortening the gap between a negative event and opportunity. I’ve been working on that from day 1. Some people get there in a day, or in a month. I thought I was that kind of person. But instead of getting to acceptance, I tried to skip ahead to opportunities. It’s time to get to it now as unpleasant as it is. Acceptance. Resilience. It might seem paradoxical, but resilience comes from accepting vulnerability.
Stefan Danis: if you read this blog, thank you for inspiring people to find the strength in themselves to dust themselves up and fight their own little demons for a brighter future.